Merry Christmas and a happy new year

On Christmas eve, we were all gathered around the tree, drinking champagne and vodka, since part of my family came from Russia. There were 25 of us, aging from 8 to 70. Fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, cousins... Each one of us had brought a "10 euros" present. We all wrote our names on little sheets of paper. The papers were then gathered in a hat. And a little girl whose name I can never remember picked them up one by one. When my name came up, I could choose from the pile of "10 euros" presents, all wrapped up in glamorous papers, the one I liked the most. I was lucky enough to end up with a bottle of decent french red wine - a Chenas, which I recommand you buy from L'Hardi vin (121 rue des Dames, Paris), a very good and cheap wine seller.

The dinner was made of russian meals, mostly, starting with blinis and salmon, with their fresh cream and melted butter, malossols (huge pickles), eggplant caviar, culminating with salmon Koulibiacs (a typical russian meal that looks very much like a meat pie, made of salmon and cabbage), and ending with a Criollo (chocolate, meringue, lemon and ginger, a cake that I had made following a recipe by Pierre Hermé) and home-made chantilly cream. Quite nice.

Now, we are on new year's eve and I am heading to the countryside. I guess the name of the town is Bernet or Berlet or Berlé. Anyway, I've got a map and a hundred cell phone numbers I can call for help. I'm invited by a nice couple, although they have the strange habit not to live in Paris. A fact that, like most Parisians, I can never fully understand. They told me that they had done home made Foie gras. "Yummi", as you might put it. I'll tell you how it turned out.

A happy new year to you all !

See you in 2005 ! Goodbye America !

Autumn in Paris

It’s a typical french, or even parisian, experience. It’s called Cook Dating. Take 3 boys and 3 girls and have them cook together, and you may end up with 3 brand new couples. A good love recipe. Cooking with the person you love is certainly one of the most beautiful experiences you can have in life. At least if the most experienced of the two has enough patience to endure the broken eggs, the : « Why do we have to do it by the book ? I mean, can’t we be more creative ? » or : « My mom used to do it the other way. What ? What did you say about my mom ? ».

The recipe I want to give you is a very poetic one. We should call it : Autumn in Paris. For six people, you need : one big chicken, 150 grammes (5,3 ounces) butter, 2 big spoons of olive oil, 150 grammes (5,3 ounces) of pork chest cut in little bits, 12 little onions (the ones we French call « oignons grelots »), 4 garlic cloves, 1 glass of white wine, 1 glass of apple cider vinegar, 100 grammes (3,5 ounces) of hazelnuts, 100 grammes (3,5 ounces) of sweet-almonds, a big spoon of fresh cream (be careful not to put too much of it), a pinch of salt, a pinch of pepper.

Put the chicken in a boiler (do not close it), with the olive oil and half of the butter. Use your hands to rub the chicken’s skin with oil and butter. This will keep the chicken’s flesh juicy. Wait until the chicken has taken a golden colour.

Then add the pork chest and the onions. Wait until the onions have taken a golden colour. Then add the garlic cloves, salt, pepper, white wine and the apple cider vinegar.

In the meanwhile, put the hazelnuts and sweet-almonds in a pan, with half ot the butter. Be careful not to let them burn. Then crush them in little bits and add them to the chicken, ten minutes or so before the chicken is done, which should take between 1 hour to 1 and 1/2 hour, depending on the chicken.

When the chicken is done, put the sauce in a separate dish, on the side. Mix the chicken’s sauce with the fresh cream. It's done.

See you soon in Paris ! Goodbye America !

Fox News is Blue

I thought that Fox News was a Republican TV. But no ! According to the website Choosetheblue.com, that wants to convince Democrat voters to stop buying products from companies that give money to the Republicans, 61 % of the political contributions given by the employees of Fox News went to... the Democrats !

This news is so incredible that people at Choosetheblue.com received tons of e-mails asking them for an explanation. Here is what they say : "Many people have commented about the fact that News Corp, owner of Fox News, is a blue company whereas they would have expected it to be red.  News Corp has many subsidiaries and many of them are in the entertainment industry which is traditionally very blue.  This is reflected in the political donations given by the employees of News Corp as a whole."

That's right ! People who make Fox News... Don't even believe in it ! They vote for the Democrats. Not only do they vote for them, but they actually contribute to their political campaigns !

Maybe they wanted it to be a fair game. Maybe they thought : "Kerry is so lame. This is so easy. It takes all the fun out of disinforming the American people. Let's give them some money, so that they can pay for a decent candidate."

Or else, it was more like : "The Republicans will advertise their lies anyway. Somebody has to do the dirty job. One has to make a living, you know. But I feel bad about it." Maybe it's more like a redemption thing. Like admiring the landscape on board of a SUV. By the way, according to Choosetheblue.com, the only brand of car that is a good for a Democrat to buy is... Toyota ! No wonder why Democrats are depressed.

If your Toyota is equipped with a CD player, here's a nice song that was sent to me by a canadian friend. It's entitled Forgive Us We're Canadians. It has been written by a canadian band called The Arrogant Worms. They will perform at the Cultural center of the University of Cincinnati, Ohio on January 29. Maybe you should invite them to your place, so that you're able to listen to true canadian stuff. It goes :

Forgive Us We're Canadians

We always say we're sorry we like to stand in line
When you ask us how we're doing, we always say just fine!

Forgive us we're canadian, we try hard to be nice
You too can be canadian if you follow this advice

We disagree on everything but we try to be polite
And we don't beleive in violence, except on hockey night
Weve adopted Europen ways, replacing yards with meters
But we still must ask the question, how many miles in a litre?

Forgive us we're canadian, we try hard to be nice
You too can be canadian if you follow this advice

We could talk for hours on end about the constitution
Which is dry as toast but sure as heck beats war or reveloution
We don't much like to wave the flag we find patriotism shocking
So we celebrate on canada day by going cross border shopping

Forgive us we're canadian, we try hard to be nice
You too can be canadian if you follow this advice

We know how to dress for winter, we're not afraid of snow
And we love our country quietly, and hope quebec wont go

Forgive us we're canadian, and some might think us bland
But there's no where that we'd rather live....
That this vast and frozen land!

See you soon in Canada ! Goodbye America !

Looking for Barney

Do you know the story of "Histoire d'O" (The Story of O) ? It's a french erotic novel, written by a woman. It was published in 1954 and it sold more than 850 000 copies at the time. It was a huge success. Women loved it. Men hated it. It's the story of a woman who decides to do whatever her lover asks her to do, even if she has to die for it. There was a documentary about it on one of our national networks last night. That's right. On TV. And it wasn't even that late. Maybe it was ten o'clock or something.
At the same time, another channel was playing a Friends episode.

What is interesting and moving about "Histoire d'O" is not the novel by itself, but the fact that it was as much a book as an act of love. It was written by a woman who had an affair with a notorious publisher, in Paris. The publisher, who was a very handsome man, cheated on her all the time. He didn't pay attention to her. She decided to impress him by doing the only thing she knew he would care about : she wrote a book. And she succeeded. She wrote it under a pen name and she didn't reveal her true identity before her lover was dead and she was a very old lady, in 1994, some thirty years later.

Now, about Chocolate Mousse. It seems simple enough. But the fact is that it's never as good as the Chocolate Mousse you can eat at restaurants. Never. Except, maybe, if you try this special recipe. It took me years and many unfortunate tries to find it. You have to do it by the book.

The first trick is in the ingredients. You'll need 100 grammes (should be 3,5 ounces) of sugar, 7 eggs and 230 grammes (8,1 ounces) of black chocolate.

First mix the sugar with the yellow of 6 eggs using a fork until the mix turns to a white colour.

Then put the chocolate in a pan, add some water, put the pan on the stove, keep the temperature low, until the chocolate
has melted. Let it rest for a minute or two. It must not be too hot, otherwise it will cook the eggs.

You'll then mix the melted chocolate with the eggs/sugar mix.

Now, for the most important part. This is the decisive moment. This is how you'll really make a difference, as far as Chocolate Mousse is concerned.

Take the white of 7 eggs. Whip them. Do not use an electrical whipper. Use a hand whipper. Maybe it will hard at the beginning. But the more you'll do it, the easiest it will be. You'll eventually come to like it. You will never have the same quality of texture and taste in a Chocolate Mousse if you use an electrical whipper. When the eggs are hard enough, when you can actually put the container upside down without having the eggs falling on your head, then mix the whipped eggs with the sugar/yellow/chocolate mix. You have to do it bit of whipped eggs by bit of whipped eggs. Proceed gently. Do it with a fork.

Let it rest for an hour or two. If you want to add something fancy, you can cut an apple into slices, put the slices in a pan with a little bit of sugar and a few drops of lemon juice, and cook it until it has turned to a caramel colour. Serve it on the side of the Chocolate Mousse.

Then it's just the time to go on Whitehouse.gov and watch Barney looking for a sign of intelligence in the White House and not finding it.

How did I go from a french erotic novel to Barney the dog, I can't remember.

See you soon at the White House ! Goodbye America !

The Paris Syndrome

Maybe I should stop writing this blog. Maybe my writing put you all at risks. Because that's what us French do when we talk to non-french people ! At least, according to Dr Ota, a Japanese-French psychiatrist living in Paris, who broke the news this morning in the french medias.

Dr Ota observed that when foreigners, especially the Japanese, have been living in Paris for more than three monthes, they are struck by a "strange kind of mental illness", that can lead them to a state of delirium or even on the verge of suicide. He calls it the "Paris Syndrome". Not the "Paris, Texas, Syndrome" that led the unhabitants of the world's most insignificant town to actually build the "Second Largest Eiffel Tower in the world", located at he corner of Jefferson Road and South Collegiate Drive, adjacent to the Love Civic Center (see by yourself : Cityofparistx.com).

"Each day, says Dr Ota, in Paris, France, I see people falling into that peculiar state. A hundred of tourists are struck each year. First, they are afraid to go out of their apartment, then they refuse to take any kind of public transportation. They even refuse to leave France, unable to admit that they are not able to embrace the "french way of life"".

Now, the question that needed to be asked to Dr Ota is "Why ?". Why do that terrible thing happen ? And why after three monthes in Paris ? What happen if you stay here for only two monthes and 29 days ?

"The French are not patients enough, says Dr Ota. They speak too much. They don't bother to listen when answered to. And the french humour can lead Foreigners to feel persecuted by the French" ! That's right ! We make jokes about you - such as "what is the name of your president again ?" - and then, all of a sudden, you fall into depression ! That's as easy as that. And what is to blame ? French humour ! I didn't know we had any. But, apparently, we do. And that's a weapon of mass destruction even you Americans are likely to find !

Another factor, according to Dr Ota, is that "foreign magazines tend to show a false image of Paris, as a city full of female models wearing Vuitton outfits and dating romantic painters. And that's not the truth". I agree on that one. That's not the truth. Vuitton is for tourists. A true French woman only wears Yves Saint Laurent.

See you soon in Paris ! Goodbye America !

We are all Canadians

I read in the news this morning that some american tourists are currently visiting France "under cover", disguised as... Canadians. A company in New Mexico, named T-shirtking.com, provide them with a "complete disguise" : "For $24.95 you get a t-shirt with the Canadian flag and the saying O Canada ! (National Anthem), a patch for your luggage or backpack, a window sticker and a lapel pin." The conclusion is : "Now when someone asks you about American politics, you can say, "I'm on vacation, I don't want to talk about it.""
The company even provides the american tourists with a booklet entitled "How to speak Canadian, Eh ?!". It seems that in order to "sound Canadian", you have to finish every sentence with "Eh ?!".

Next summer, things will get pretty complicated. It seems that there will be an unusual amount of canadian tourists visiting France. That is, people dressed with a "O Canada !" T-shirt, speaking with a thick New York or Texas accent, and finishing each sentence by "Eh !". "Hey, bruddah, dya now whuh de Burger King is, so dat I can get some propuh food, Eh ?" I think we will start to get suspicious. Maybe we will test them. We will serve only maple syrup at breakfeast, together with canadian breakfast tea. We will play canadian music, featuring Celine Dion and Avril Lavigne. It shouldn't be long before they drop their mask.

In the meanwhile, here's the national anthem, entitled "O Canada !" :

"O Canada !

Our home and native land !
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
Our True North strong and free !
From far and wide, O Canada !
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free !
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada !

Where pines and maples grow,
Great prairies spread and lordly rivers flow,
How dear to us thy broad domain,
From East to Western sea !
Thou land of hope for all who toil !
Thou True North strong and free !
God keep our land glorious and free !
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada !
Beneath thy shining skies
May stalwart sons and gentle maidens rise
To keep thee steadfast through the years
From East to Western sea,
Our own beloved native land,
Our True North strong and free !
God keep our land glorious and free !
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee

Ruler supreme,
Who hearest humble prayer,
Hold our Dominion in Thy loving care.
Help us to find, O God, in Thee
A lasting rich reward,
As waiting for the better day,
We ever stand on guard.
God keep our land glorious and free !
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee."

(Thanks to Jim, from Guelph, Canada. When will you start a canadian blog, Jim ?)

May the "True North" remain strong and free !

See you soon in Canada ! Goodbye America !

American women and French toast

Numerous american movies take place in France : Ernst Lubitch's "Ninotchka" and "Design for living", John Frankenheimer's "Ronin", Woody Allen's "Everybody says I love you"...

But the best one - the most french one - is certainly Hitchcock's "To catch a thief", starring Cary Grant and Grace Kelly. This movie is great, even if it does have its share of "clichés'" (the way french people and Cary Grant are dressed is pretty ridiculous).

The action takes place in the south of France. John Robie/Cary Grant is a retired thief living in a beautiful villa on the heights of Cannes. A war hero, he is also famous for having stolen the most beautiful jewels in his time. When the south of France is hit by a new wave of daring jewel robberies, the police comes to arrest him. He manages to escape. The only way for him to prove his innocence is to find the real thief (thus the title "It takes a thief...").

There's one interesting piece of dialogue taking place between a seventeen years old french girl, Danielle, and an american girl in her twenties, Frances/Grace Kelly. Danielle is outrageously flirting with Cary Grant on a wooden deck in the middle of the sea, some fifty yards away from the beach of Cannes, where Frances/Grace Kelly is waiting for Cary Grant to come back. Danielle and Cary Grant have known each other for a long while. He is a friend of her father's, whom he met in the french Resistance.

This dialogue tells a lot about the french-american relationships.

"Danielle (talking about Frances/Grace Kelly) : Why do you want to buy an old car if you can get a new one cheaper? It will run better and last longer.
- John : Well, it looks as if my old car just drove off.
- Frances : No, it hasn't, it's just turned amphibious. I thought I'd come out and see what the big attraction was.
- John : Yes.
- Frances : And possibly even rate an introduction.
- John : (to Danielle) Oh, uh, you didn't tell me your name.
- Danielle : Danielle Foussard (Froussard means "coward" in french, it isn't her real name).
- John : Miss Foussard, Miss Stevens.
- Frances : How do you do, Miss Foussard. Mr. Burns has told me so little about you.
- John : Well, we only met a couple of minutes ago.
- Danielle : That's right, only a few minutes ago.
- Frances : Only a few minutes ago. And you talk like old friends. Ah well, that's warm, friendly France for you.
- John : (To Frances) I was asking about renting some water-skis. Would you like me to teach you how to water ski?
- Frances : Thank you, but I was women's champion at Sarasota, Florida last season.
- John : Well, it was just an idea.
- Frances : Are you sure you were talking about water-skis? From where I sat, it looked as though you were conjugating some irregular verbs.
- John : Say something nice to her, Danielle.
- Danielle : She looks a lot older, up close.
- John : Ohhh
- Frances : To a mere child, anything over twenty might seem old.
- Danielle : A child? Shall we stand in shallower water and discuss that?
- Frances : Enjoying yourself, Mr. Burns?
- Robie : Oh yes, it's very nice out here, with the sun and all.
- Frances : Well, it's too much for me. I'll see you at the hotel.
- John : (laughing nervously) I'll go with you.
- Danielle : But Mr. Burns, you didn't finish telling me why French women are more seductive than American women?
- John : I know what I'd like to tell you!"

Now, if you watch that movie, I recommand you do it while eating a typical french meal, not very complicated to do. It's called "Pain perdu" ("lost bread") or "french toast".

Take 1 brioche a few days old. Cut it in slices.

In a plate, put 4,5 ounces of fresh cream, 4,5 ounces of milk, 2 egg yellow, 2 eggs, 1,8 ounce of sugar, the skin of an half-orange, a pinch of cardamom, a pinch of cinnamon, a pinch of star anise (maybe you'll have trouble finding that ingredient, you can do without it). Mix the ingredients, whipe them.

When it's done, dunk the slices of brioche in the mix, on both sides. Not for too long or they will fall into pieces.

Put 0,9 ounce of butter and a little spoon of white oil in a pan. Put the slices of brioche in the pan. let them cook for a few minutes, on both sides. They must look like toasts, slightly burned.

Then put them in the oven, for eight to ten minutes, so that they get a little crispy. They'll taste better.
The oven must be at 180 degrees celcius (356 degrees farenheit).

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

Nothing surprises me anymore

There' s one meaningful song that is getting popular here as the
situation in Ivory Coast, this country in Africa we sent our army
to for monetary purposes, as you did in Iraq, is getting more and more
out of hand (out of our hands, that is). It has been written in french
by a singer from Ivory Coast named Tiken Jah Fakoly.

Note to the Republicans : People in Africa aren't as civilized as we are. They had to fight for their independence from the colonial rule, but they still keep the language of their former rulers. They know what a civil war is. They've got exotic Churches (quakers, adventists, pentecotists, younameitists...).
Some of these Churches still try to convince people that chastity is likable (it does sounds medieval, doesn't it ?). They go as far as to disagree with the theory of evolution. Sons succeed to their fathers as Presidents. There is massive electoral fraud, which lead to protests and endless disputes. The medias repeat the lies they are told by the governement as if they were the truth. It's not as if they would have Fox News to provide them with a "fair and balanced" information.

The song I want to tell you about is entitled "Nothing surprises me anymore" ("Plus rien ne m'étonne")
It goes :

"They divided up the world
Nothing surprises me anymore

If you give me Chechnia
I'll give you Armenia
If you give me Afghanistan
I'll give you Pakistan
If you don't leave Haiti
I'll take you in Bangui
If you help me bombing Iraq
I'll fix Kurdistan

They divided up the world
Nothing surprises me anymore

If you give me unranium
I'll give you aluminium
If you leave me your mines
I'll help you fighting the Talibans
If you give me money
I'll go to war with you
If you let me exploiting your gold
I'll help you getting rid of that general

They divided up the world
Nothing surprises me anymore

They divided up Africa without asking us
And they wonder why we are not united
Part of the Mandingue empire
Is in the Wolof's
Part of the Mossi Empire
Is in Ghana
Part of the Soussou empire
Is in the Mandingue Empire
Part of the Mandingue Empire
Is in the Mossi's
They divided up Africa without asking us
Without telling us, without warning us !

They divided up the world
Nothing surprises me any more"

I tried to make an american version of that song :

"They divided up the USA
Nothing surprises me anymore

If you give me California
I'll give you Texas
If you give me Alaska
I'll give you Florida
If you don't leave Utah
I'll take you in Hawaii
if you help me bombing Colorado
I'll fix New York"

I would have done a french version of it, except that
you wouldn't have had a clue of what I was talking
about !

See you soon in Africa ! Goodbye America !